Life after you (2)Coping with loss of someone, who once was your everything -a child, a parent, a friend, you name it — is never easy, and one cannot be prepared for what comes, when the tragedy strikes. They don’t tell you at school, what to do, when your world ceases to exist; and there is no University offering a Degree in Grief.

 Many of us have heard about 5 stages of dealing with the loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. But let me say something: there are no such thing as getting out of that Black Sticky Nowhere in 5 easy steps, and sorrow has more, than five faces. Yes, those 5 stages are common milestones on the long way back to light, but, just as everyone of us is unique, so are our experiences. You might reach those stages at some point,or take a different road. There is no right or wrong way to deal with your loss,and no rules.Exept one:

Take your time! Don’t rush the process of recovery-it’s not a race!

After I closed the doors of my savaged by the Death old home behind me for the last time, I wanted to get back to normal as soon as possible. After just two weeks of wandering in the dark, I was back to work, pretending, that everything is ok. I thought, that forcing myself to smile, to talk, to function will help me to deal with the pain. So, for four long years, I’ve smiled, talked, functioned ignoring signs of despair waiting for the right moment to burn my soul down to ashes.

Last year I spectacularly felt in pieces in the middle of the street to the amusement of many hundreds people. Diagnosed with major depression, I’ve spent many months at home, fighting the dragons of self-hate accusing me for the crimes I didn’t commit. I hated myself for absurd things and felt guilty for letting the people I love down. It was all my fault ,and I thought, that world without me will be a better place. I played with the thoughts of trying to escape again, only with 100 % warranty this time. There was no light; and not able to see clearly, I’ve missed the point of no return by only millimetres…

May I give you one advice? Hold on tight! There must be something, what’ve made you happy before you lost yourself!  One small memory, one kind word, one smile…Let those be your light. It might be small and hardly visible somewhere far far away on the distant horizon, but just hold on tight! Don’t let it out of your sight and walk toward it. Slowly. Step by step.

It’s a long journey, but take your time. Remember, it’s not a race? Don’t make the mistake I did. You will fall, but look at the light and crawl, if that’s all you have strength for. Crawl to that happy memory, to that kind word…

I’m not quite there yet, and I’m still weak and fall down often, but bear with me. One day I’ll let the grief go, keeping memories about those I’ve lost in my heart. I will be able to think about them without wanting to tear the heart out of my chest. One day I will master the Art of Letting Go!