Поиск

The Life of Ordinary Me

Babushka

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Even aliens have grandmothers, and I ‘m not an exception from the rules. With my ticket to Earth I’ve got two of them. And before you ask: no, there is no “B” in the word “grandmother “. But I didn’t call them so either.

BABUSHKA…I said Babushka to them.

 

Babushka Ljuba …My mum’s mum.

She lived quite a way from where I lived, but we visited her often: 2-3 times a month.I loved being there: big flat, where I could play “hide and seek” with my two cousins; my aunt, who shared my passion for music. When I was tired of running around the flat, we sat down, put a needle on a vinyl and listened, listened, listened…Jazz, Rock, Pop, Gipsy music…Everything was thrown in. We listened, we singed, we danced…

Babushka Ljuba cooked some tasty meal, we ate, watched a bit of TV …A hug, a kiss on the cheek and “till the next time. I love you, Babushka Ljuba” ….

When I was about 10 years old, she hanged herself in the room, where once the music played…Nobody was there to stop her, and we never got to understand, why she left us…I just hope, that she found the peace, whatever was it, that ate her from inside.

 

Babushka Anja. My dad’s mum. She lived only a few minutes away , and , when my parents were at work, and the nursery was closed for some reason, she looked after me.

“Don’t call me babushka. I’m not that old”- she laughed at me.

“How should I call you then? “

“Anja?”- suggested she

“Nee, you are not Anja. You are BABA Anja! Are you going to bake me a cake today? “

She baked, cooked and, in between , knitted wool pullovers and socks for the whole family and for the neighbours. She told me stories: how she was fleeing the Nazis during WW2, just the seconds away from being caught and sent to a Work Camp somewhere in Germany… She told me the stories about her family lost somewhere in the deep forests of Russia during that war (later we found her sister living in Leningrad) …

Babushka Anja was there looking after me every day. She cared about all and everything. Running chores for the people she hardly knew. Cooking, baking, knitting….

Last time I saw her when I was revisiting my memories in Latvia couple of years ago. Small, thin, tired…Fragile.  Wonderfully clear mind for an 80something old woman. The life was not too kind to her, but she never gave up.

When it was time to catch my plane back to Munich, we said our farewells, knowing, that it might be the last time we ever met……….

 

Реклама

Alien

   naruto___alone_in_the_rain_by_lrakuenl My father was an alien. It’s not a Joke-I saw his passport! Probably, somebody tipped the Latvian passport people, that something is not quite right in our family. Maybe they’ve sensed it themselves. For me it is just the stupidity of the time, when my small country left the USSR, and nobody knew what to do with the freedom.

 Suddenly, long time neighbours didn’t speak your language and advised you to go back to Russia. But my father WAS born in this country. So was my mum, and so was I. It didn’t really matter, and some weeks after applying for Latvian citizenship, I and my mum got Latvian passports, my father became officially an alien.

But you know what? The Authorities have got it wrong! It was me, who was from another planet. I (!) was the monster!

 So far I can remember, I never felt as if I belong. I was just too sensitive and “arty”.

 Instead of playing football with other boys, I was reading books. When I was not reading, I was talking non-stop, and everybody begged me to shut up at least until the second hand make the whole circle on a clock.It was quite a challenge for a little boy I was then. And when I could not talk, I sang. I gave the shows of my life in the playground for those, who watched. I’ve singed my heart out; I’ve danced as if there is no tomorrow …  I just wanted to belong, to be accepted.  Instead, I was laughed at by girls, beaten up by boys, and screamed at by my father at “after show party “. I was an embarrassment, and I confirmed it every time with my tears. Mum tried to protect me, but heavy fist flying righ in her face would put an end to any discussion.Well, it was so untill  I was able to protect myself.

But back then, there were only an 8 years old alien and his mum. I looked into her sad loving eyes and learned, that it’s ok to be different. No matter what everybody says and thinks. It is ok to be true to yourself and follow your heart… Those eyes taught me not to judge…

 I don’t sing no more –the voice is gone with the smoke of many thousands cigarettes; and my dancing shoes are covered with centuries’ dust; and I’m not chasing that acceptance I craved for an eternity ago… I choose to accept instead.

I’m just an ALIEN wondering the streets of Life!

A to Z.Countdown

signpost_vector The challenge starts in a couple of hours , and I’m sooo not ready! Thinking ,worrying,planning….. There are so many directions  I can go .Which one should I take?

I think, i will just pick up the words meaning something to me , or the words which ARE me. Shall I call it The Ordinary Me from A to Z ? 🙂 

I have a folder ,called A to Z ,so you can find challenge posts easily .

I will try to visit so many of your blogs , as possible . Hopefully,you’ll read mine  too.

I will comment, and  I hope ,that you do the same . Comments,questions,suggestions,critik,praise ,hate,love….All is welcome . And  i will answer you. Maybe not straight away , but i will do.

There is just one thing  I want to say , before the game begins.I want to say

Big Thank You ,My Followers ! You are the reason  i keep going!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A to Z

I think,that I was abducted by aliens. They’ve conducted some experiments on me ,and now I’m absolutely nuts.

How else can  i explain , that  i’m doing  A to Z challenge ? I even don’t consider myself to be a blogger. Well,not yet.  I’m a beginner with just a couple of random posts out there.

But still, i’m doing this. Oh,dear:)

26 days,26 letters,26 posts…    A to Z…

I have no plan and no idea , what I’m going to write about .I even not sure,if  i make the whole run, but…..

I have nothing to lose. I might even make some new friends along the way:) And it will be simply fun to be part of this game.

Are YOU up for a challenge and meeting new people? Than have a look here for more info.

Join in and have fun!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m not religious…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I‘m not religious. How can I be, if we had no God in the USSR? Religion was not officially outlawed: you could go to church, if you were ready to risk your “good name“, and if you could find one open church at all.

Most of the Russian people were religious believers prior the 1917 revolution, and the Orthodox Church was  involved not only in ordinary peoples lifes, but was deeply integrated in the monarchy.

 

It didn’t go down well with the Bolsheviks (The Communist Party of Soviet Union), who came to Power after the 1917 revolution. The Church was not only the face of the old order, but a dangerous competitor in fight for people’s loyalty. There could be no other authority in the young soviet Russia, but The Party. The Witch-hunt began…

Religious buildings were destroyed or turned into warehouses, housing, workshops, worker’s clubs and even public toilets. The believers were sent to prisons, labour camps and mental hospitals. By the 1941, there were only 500 out of 54 000 churches open , and thousands of people paid dearly for believing in God.

Atheism was taught in schools; rich in tradition religious ceremonies, such as weddings and funerals, were replaced by the “right” soviet alternatives and practises …

During WW2 the Orthodox Church was “restored”: The Red Army suffered major defeats,warsovpost_00001 and Stalin needed every man and women, every soul for, what he called,”Sacred War“. He reopened thousands of churches and allowed religious publications and services in order to boost patriotism in people.

After the War, religion was tolerated to a certain degree: people were free to worship in private and in remained churches. But any public display of believing in God was a no-go. The churches were still being closed on a daily basis, and people were still sent in exile and prisons for their believes. The God was once again enemy of the state.

I’m not religious. I just couldn’t be .By the time I was born, religion was invisible, nearly non-existent under the control of the Communist Party. One could hear one word here, a whisper there…Just few faint words behind the closed doors.

When my grandma had insisted, that I must be baptised, I was 7 or 8 years old. I had no idea, what baptising means (maybe something like a birthday party?), and could not understand, why my mum cries at nights after intense arguments with my grandma.My mum was a member in The Communist Party, just like the majority of the USSR people. You had to be, or you were against the Regime and had no place in the socialistic paradise. She was just scared.

Eventually, I WAS baptised, my grandma was happy and my mum got off with a visit to local authorities and a lecture on being the right kind of communist. Sweet 80s.

141960_originalIn the school, there were no lessons on religion either. Instead, we had to learn how to march. Once in a week we had to gather us outside , or, if the weather was bad, in our school gym and march in an organised order.

“Left.Left.One Two Three. Left.Left.One Two Three”

Hour after hour, after hour we were marching and singing patriotic songs.

“Left.Left.One Two Three.We wiiiiiiiil destrooooooy the o-old world …»   There was no God in our lifes.

 I’m not religious, but I believe .

I believe in being kind to others  and not judging people. It doesn’t matter what language you speak ,your skin colour ,which God you are praying to…Just have your heart in the right place and we are ok.

There was no God in our life back then,but I finaly found one. His name is Love…

   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

An Enemy Within

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

Well, it did not go as planned, and, to be honest, I had no plan at all.

I was just a kid, maybe a bit strange one, but still just a kid. I had all the time in the world to figure out, who I want to be and what the Life is all about.

The future was bright, and I had nothing to worry about.

At 42, I am stuck with a job, a hate with the whole of my heart. My entertainment consists of quarterly health check-ups, complimented with a daily dose of pills needed to keep my system up and running.

My family-my man, who a few years back was just a holiday romance, and a small ball of wool with big eyes, who thinks, that she is the Alpha Dog in the family — is on the verge of financial catastrophe.

Suddenly I’m an adult, but I don’t know the person on the other side of the mirror.And I have no idea,where did it all go wrong.

I am scared. Simple like that.

                                  S.C.A.R.E.D.

Can anybody tell me, where the ‘RESET’ button is,please ?

I would, without thinking a second, reinstall the whole operating system, keeping some memories and experiences. I would start all over again.

 

But there is no such thing, like ‘RESET YOUR LIFE’ button, right? I should better  talk to that man in the mirror then . He is the only one, who knows me well. He knows all my fears and hopes, all my quirks and secrets, all my ups and downs.                                              

I have questions, he has answers…I hope, that he does. One answer, one word can trigger that ‘reset’ function.

It is a dangerous journey to the depths of myself. And I am absolutely terrified not knowing, which discoveries I will make on the road. What will I find once I have reached the bottom?

I am terrified, but there is no other option. It is that or game over. And I’m not ready to give up yet. I will fight, so much can I promise. I just need to learn all about my biggest enemy-MYSELF.

 There is a great quote by Sun Tzu ( 544 BC-496 BC), a Chinese general , military strategist and philosopher :

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

There is just one thing I want to ask before I leave the comfort of not knowing:

Will you join me on this journey?

Maybe you have your own battle to win, and we can share tactics.Maybe you have won already, and your story will give me strength to carry on, when the things get tough.

This way or another, let me know that you are out there…………  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Создайте бесплатный сайт или блог на WordPress.com. Тема: Baskerville, автор: Anders Noren.

Вверх ↑

%d такие блоггеры, как: